Yes, you can live your best life!

The Hardest Choice

Posted on: June 4, 2016

I got married in 2005. Should I had? Probably not, but I did. I thought I was getting old and I honestly wanted children. My boyfriend at the time was a good guy. I think we all have issues, but to be honest I ignored some red flags that I should have paid more attention to. For the most part he treated me nice. I really didn’t have any complaints. We argued and we made up. Typical I suppose for any relationship. One time we broke up, another female got in the picture and it was then I knew I didn’t want to be without him. Was I in love? No, but I did love him. So eventually we got engaged and a year to the day we met we got married. Fast to some, but we did it.

We got pregnant right away. All intentional. We wanted kids. Guess he thought he was getting old too. Had a boy, then got pregnant again and had another boy. Life got busy. Marriage got hard. More fights began to occur. Depression set in. I wanted to die.

One day he decided we should move south for a new start. Hey, I am a free-spirited person I went along with it. I packed up our four bedroom, two car garage and left the East without a job, only with my faith.

I felt imprisoned. I knew no one yet so I had to get to know the people he already knew. They were nice. They became like family. I was content for the most part, but I still longed for my own friends. Friends outside of the church we were attending.

In the South, things got worse before they got better. I began to fear for my life. It was like I was living two different lives. I smiled in front of people, but at home I was crying my eyes out like a baby. I didn’t want to live like this. God can not want me to live in such fear. One night I made a decision. This was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made. I decided I wanted a divorce. Getting a divorce would mean splitting up the family, but I was in so much pain, I only wanted peace. I didn’t want to take the boys away from their dad, but I really thought if I’d stayed I would have died.

Many people stay in marriages for the children, but that would not have been wise for me. They saw us arguing, and I didn’t want them growing up with that as a constant memory in their minds. My focus was on them. Their health and happiness. I didn’t want them to see us fighting or me crying everyday. I wanted their childhood to be full of great memories.

God made a way for me to leave. It took a lot of faith and courage. I left with no job and no money, but God provided for me and my boys everyday and in every way. My life is happy now and me and their dad are on good terms. Forgiveness played a big role and it took me years to totally forgive him, but I can honestly say I do and I am in a great place in my life.

For those in abusive relationships, I would encourage you to look out for you. Your happiness and well being are important to God. Love yourself and in faith make a decision that will cause you to get your happy back!

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